something that i will never send.

Dear Young and Strapping,

You are like crack. After just one brief taste of you, I became obsessed with getting more. Thank God you've left this coast so that I can go back to my life and stop thinking of ways to convince you to come and have sex with me. Not that I actually remember what you look like. Only what you feel like, and the taste of you, and what it felt like to be in your big strong arms. I felt safe. I felt saved. And I wanted to save you. People who think too much and feel too much tend to drink too much. Be good to you sweet boy and be gentle with yourself. I somehow became obsessed with you after one night of making out and all the grandiose plans we made. You said you'd get me pregnant. You promised to be my secret lover for the next 50 years. And then you said no. Which gave me free rein to fantasize about you and make you into something much bigger and better than what you think you actually are. You were smart not to let me meet you sober. It could have been a let down. But sad boys who drink too much are my Achilles' heel. I don't even know if you're a sad boy. But judging from the amount that you drink, I would assume you are. But maybe I'm wrong. I thought I sensed it in your tone. Well Y&S, I have to go back to my life now. You be good. Thanks for distracting me from my husband. Thanks for shaking up my life again. I needed that. I'm sick of being a yuppie. You are too cute. I really wish that I'd gotten a chance to make sweet love to you. But I guess that it's better this way. There's a big part of me that wants to be your friend forever so I can watch over you. I try to be friends with all of my alcoholic ex's. But only one will be tight with me. And he's the one who is in recovery. So, with that sweet boy, I let you go. I send you love and light and prayers and many thanks for touching my life. I don't want to let you go. But I have to.

kisses, Laney