Real Love Vs. Fake Love

Real love is deep, lasting, and unpainful. Fake love is a quick flash in the pain that feels like being drunk. Then you have a hangover. Then it's over. The problem with real love vs. fake love is that fake love is so intense and uncomfortable, that next to real love, it becomes confusing. And real love doesn't feel like real love anymore because it doesn't have that edge. My cat is standing next to me purring right now. I can't seem to get out of bed today and it's approaching noon. Crap. It just turned noon. Time to put on my new running shoes and go for a run.

I think that's the thing about love addiction. It's those weird chemicals that are released at the beginning. We can't get those back in a long term deeply felt relationship. Yet, I think I had that with husband right when I found out about his SA. I was angry, rejected, depressed, uncomfortable. And all I wanted to do was have sex with him. I was turned on constantly. Fake love. Then, as he got stronger in his program and in his recovery, it began to fade. Then Y&S came along. And I redirected all that libidinal energy toward him and the fantasy of him. Fake love. And now, I am hungover from it. And waiting to feel better. And my love for husband feels far away. But not because it is, but because I'm comparing fake love to real love. For husband I have real love. For Y&S I had fake love. And, it was all in my screwed up little head beautiful, complex and sensitive mind. Comparing the two is like comparing the high you get from looking at a beautiful sunset on the beach to staying up all night doing lines of coke and drinking tequila. One is beautiful, healthy, and long lasting. The other is dangerous, depressing, and intense. But if you really are craving a high, you're going to opt for the latter. All you can do after that night is recover.