Sorry it's been so long since I've written, and of course my time is very limited while my little one is in his swing, quiet. But I had a baby in early November. I was induced and was in labor for 4 days before they finally gave me a C-section.
I love being a Mommy and love my baby. I do, however have lots of reservations about being a new mom at 37 years old, almost 38. I never felt old until my baby came out, so young. But of course had he come earlier I'd have to deal with a new baby and either finding out about SA or a disengaged spouse. Husband is keeping up with his meetings and groups and therapy. Which I like, but sometimes I'm resentful that he gets support and time out while I'm our son's primary caretaker. Other than that, I'm happy. I can't get enough of the baby. He's so sweet and cuddly and beautiful and brilliant. He's the most fascinating person I know. I don't think that he's going to be a Sex Addict.
Husband comes from a family of insanity and repression. My mother in law was screaming that we had to get the baby Baptised. And my husband was so happy that she was showing any interest in him (because she now has a grandson) that he told me that we were going to get him Baptised. Well I'm Jewish and we agreed many many years ago, before we ever got married, that we would raise our children Jewish. It's so telling that all he wants is attention and accolades from his mother. But she's a fucking nutcase. She's a hoarder and she smokes 2-3 packs of cigarettes a day, and compulsively shops at goodwill, target, etc. They have a $100,000 mortgage on a house that they purchased 40 years ago for $18,000 because of her compulsive shopping/hoarding. Oh and she burned the house down 5 years ago and they have been renting and are continuously getting evicted because of her insanity and they can't pay rent. And she is sure that they insurance company is screwing them so their house remains boarded up. It's so, so, so sad. It's a crappy situation. And Husband wants us to bring the baby to visit them. No fucking thank you. I don't want to get on a plane to see them. We'd have to stay at a hotel, and pay for that, and also, we can't go to their house because of the dust and smoke. Most people can't take it for more than 5 minutes. My sister and law and her husband won't even set foot inside, becuause they both wind up coughing and sneezing immediately. My sister in law once fell on the floor and started vomiting when we were there and my mother in law stepped over her and said, "what the hell is wrong with you?" I had to put damp rags on her head and hold her hair while she puked while her own mother just ignored her and blew smoke in her face. Well obviously I'm not bringing my baby to that insanity-- but my husband will want to keep the peace and just go. And if we go and stay in a hotel and ask her to come, it's going to set up all kinds of shit. So... I don't want to go there. She's disgusting and it's disgusting. I seriously hate my inlaws. Crazy ass people. Both Ivy League graduates with no money, pounds of debt and living like people on the show Hoarders.
But besides that, Mommy-hood.
I just love the baby. I just stare at him and cuddle him and play with him all day long. I've never been so content.
