Not doing any better

Today I sent Husband this email at work:

i made the mistake of looking at facebook this morning. which put the question in my head, "how did my life get so bad?"
I had a great job, a great boyfriend, no debt, I was going to have four children.

and now. no kids or possibility of it, crazy debt, a husband who tried obsessively to cheat on me for 2 years. how did this happen to me? I just want to die.

And he replied with this:

I know - I did all this and you are suffering for it. You had no idea what you were getting into.

But we do still have a chance to have children and a great life together.

Nobody has a perfect life - everybody gets some bad stuff. And I've done a bad job of dealing with a bunch of my bad stuff up to this point in my life which led to this. Like a closet stuffed full of dirty emotions, it bust open all over the floor.

I love you and I'm not going to flee when you are depressed.

I may give a call in a few - but I'm off to a busy start. I have alot to get done today.


I am about to fly across the country to see my folks for a few days. They don't know. But, it's going to be hard. I've not worn my wedding ring for 2 months since I found out and I can't bring myself to put it on. I think I'll just tell them I was bloated from my period so I took it off. Anyway, I'm really being triggered by this visit. See, my husband admitted the other day that he was happy when I went away to visit my parents because that's when we would try super hard to find someone to meet up with and have sex with. He was happy to get me out of his hair so he could spend all of his time having cyber sex. I'm so angry and I hate him.