Today, I Bring You-- The Ugliest Pants I've Ever Seen

These Pants Are UGLY!!!!!!!!

Anyway, I woke up today and saw a wrinkle in my forehead. I think it's my first wrinkle. It's not the first time I noticed it. But it's the first time I cared. It upset me horribly. I immediately began thinking about Botox. I've never really been a woman who cared about aging. I've always felt that 1.)Getting older makes you smarter. 2.)Getting older is a blessing because it means you're not dead and there is always a chance for new and exciting adventures in life.
So, given my peace with aging, you'd think that my wrinkle wouldn't bother me. But it bothered me a lot.

It led me to send husband this email:

I found a wrinkle this morning. I think it's my first. Anyway, I'm feeling sickened and scared by it. Like you only want young, nubile teenagers and I'm too old and disgusting for you and soon you will be out looking again. I'm nauseous about it and depressed and having the urge to run away-- leave the relationship-- because i'm scared.

Husband responded with this:

I love you. Be aware that you are getting caught up in my fantasies. They're sticky and yucky. I'm wild about you - I love going through crazy weeks liek (sic) this with you. They're an adventure and they're fun with you.

It was a nice note and what I needed.

I sent husband this article that someone posted on JWC (and I'm so sorry for not giving that person credit, I just saw it and sent it to husband in a blind and wild rage-- I have now become vastly intimate those states). He read it a few times, and reads it whenever I'm really upset and tries to incorporate what it says I need into how he treats me.

It's a great article, because it tells him exactly what I need. I thought it was so strange that an article could tell my husband exactly what I need. But it does somehow. Those things are constant reassurance, constant apologies, and something else, which is an indication that he knows he caused me all this horrible pain and it pains him to see me in pain and to know that he caused it. Very odd. I always felt so different from everyone. In fact, it was shocking for me, when I first began to practice, that so many different personalities followed so few structures, and how that in some ways made the job easy. I guess that Jung was not wrong with his archetypes.