Husband is in the other room (the den of sin as I now call it) on the phone doing a phone SAA meeting. Today I am angry at the women involved. The women who participated in acting out behaviors knowing that he was married. WTF? Ladies! WTF? Why?
I admit, I have a very, very, very close female friend who is an SA, though she still very much acts out. But even she would never be with a married man. Husband (I know this for sure) was very up front with the fact that he was married. I saw all his online profiles. He said he was married. Don't get me wrong, husband sucks for this too. But ladies! Come on! We're all sisters here, how can you do this to one of your sisters!?
I have never been the type of girl to be competitive or jealous of other women. It's just not the way I roll. I just don't. And I'm certainly not jealous of the 18-24 year olds that husband wanted to be with. Ugh... who would want to be that age and getting off on fucking 38 year old married men who you have no shot for a commitment with. Not I. But I'm mad at those girls. I always had a code of ethics. No men with wives or girlfriends. Again, it's just not how I roll. Which is also annoying, right? Because husband sees and loves me for me and my ethics, principles, etc. then, he wants to fuck skanks who wanna fuck married men? What the fuck people? WHAT THE FUCK? Fuck you husband. Fuck you craigslist. Fuck you adult friend finder. Fuck you alt.net, Fuck you lavalife, Fuck you ashelymadison.com, Fuck you okcupid! Fuck you all.
Wanna know something lame? I know Craig Newmark of craigslist.com. Yeah, I know him. Not very well abeit. But I have spent time with him. And I know where he lives. And I want to go to his house and cry to him and tell him that my husband's infidelity started on his lame casual encounters section. Oh Craig. Why? Why? You're such a nice guy! I've seen you on blind dates at the the sushi place all the time with perfectly respectable age appropriate women. Why did you do this to me?
Clearly I know it's not personal. But I'm angry at everyone and everything.
The anger at and sense of betrayal by other women has I think been deeper and harder for me to deal with in many ways than the anger at my husband.
ReplyDeleteImagine though if instead of Y&S you had met an old college boyfriend in an airport bar. Looking very sexy, drinking and coming on very strong to you. And after quite a few drinks the fact that he was actually married was subsumed by the memories of what you both used to be. And you discovered that after 20 years of fidelity, your husbands SA had actually made you capable of that particular brand of infidelity
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