My body specifically. There's been a lot of beer, wine, coffee, sugar, mindless eating, some minor binge eating and junk food the last several weeks as I have been in a Y&S fog, I've been neglecting the body. And it's beginning to show. I'm tired. I'm bloated. I'm putting on some weight, my pants were totally tight on me yesterday, though, it was day 2 of my period. But, if I don't focus on something, I'm going to dwell on the fact that my husband cheated on me for two years over the internet, that I've been trying to get pregnant for longer than anyone I know, and all the people who started after me are on their second kids now, that I hate where we live, that we're in crazy debt. That chemicals in my brain made me fall in love with a soldier whom I have no visual memory of. I don't want to think about any of that. So instead, I'm going to take the month of September and commit to detoxing and healthy body.
So, here are the parameters.
1.)Alcohol is limited to weekends. No more than one glass of wine without food. No more than 2 glasses of wine with food. No more than 3 glasses of wine in one day.
2.)Recommit to PCOS low carb diet. No sugar, no junk food, no processed carbs.
3.)Some kind of vegetable at every meal.
4.)Water, water, water. Lots of water.
5.)Recommit to water.
6.)Try to do yoga 3 times a week.
7.)Meditate in the mornings.
8.)Continue training for the half marathon that I've been training for.
9.)No diet soda, splenda, or other artificial sweeteners.
10.)Try to drink tea in the AM instead of coffee. If it is coffee, go for organic.
That's it and that's enough.
I know that sometimes focusing in rather than out can be helpful for me.
Husband and I are doing okay. I was trying to tell him more about Y&S last night, about all the feelings that got me. He tried to listen, but it was hard for him. He said that he can really understand about getting lost in fantasy since that's what happened to him with the sex addiction for all those years. But mine was although also fantasy, a love fantasy. Where I imagined that this boy would take me away from my world of infidelity and infertility. But really, what would the boy do? Bring me into a world of sitting around drinking without any interesting conversation? Probably.
There is so much pain in between the lines of your writing. I'm sorry you have to go through all of this. I can only wish you strength and courage as you move forward -- although your posts seem to reflect both. Good luck!
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