As husband recovers, I feel that I'm falling deeper and deeper into messiness. I have a serious problem with alcohol. I drink almost every night, and last night I drank a ton. I am not in a 12 step program for it, but perhaps I should be. But I really don't want to. I go to my COSA meetings and I absolutely hate them. They make me want to strangle people. My husband goes to SAA meetings several times a week and I am just sick of hearing about people "in their disease."
I just want to take some responsibility for myself and my life. We're having people over for brunch next Saturday. I'm really nervous because that's when I would normally drink a ton of champagne and mimosas and be trashed for the whole day. But I'm sick of that life. I don't know how to say no to it though. I'm tired and depressed and I want this to be over already.
I guess that I've not had time to focus on me for so long when I've been so focused on husband, then on Y&S. Where am I in this? I'm sick of work. I don't know what I want or need anymore.
Laney---I think a lot of us use "other things", that we have no control of or are not good for us, to distract us from our pain, the things we don't want to face, or the insecurities we have within ourselves. I know that I certainly have a tendency to do that too. That's how I came to be with my sex addie, who was definitely bad news. :(
ReplyDeleteI think its a sign of health that you are aware of your problem areas and are looking inward to your own well-being. There's no quick fix here, though. It takes a lot of time and help.
I have also heard others say that COSA sucks, but have found support and healing in other 12-step groups. But, if they don't work for you, there are other options.
Have you looked into a professional therapist for yourself? I have found it to be a wonderful tool to help me separate out the crap from what I really need to focus and work on.
xo,
L
I am not alcoholic but know others who have been helped a lot by 12 step groups. But a person has to want that help and want to get better. I went to Al-Anon because I was sick and tired of my life. Hope that there is a solution for you as well.
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