Like I said in the title, we bought iphones. This might not be such a big deal for the average couple, but for a couple that is 1/2 sex addict, well then iphones are a huge deal. Especially considering Husband's acting out all happened on his computer. He never had sex with a real live woman, but he had loads of cyber-sex and was on loads of dating sites and would meet people and talk back and forth with them and try to get women to meet him out. It never happened, but I wonder if it would have had I never caught him. He was also hugely into online porn. In fact, if I'd go away for a weekend to my parents or whatever, he'd stay home citing that he needed to study and instead he'd be in front of his computer for 20 hours straight (he later told me). He wouldn't eat, wouldn't sleep, would just put a curtain up and stand at his computer looking for "women" or whoever was on the other end to talk to. He would every once in a while swap photos with them. He'd get naked pictures, or close ups of their privates and store them somewhere. Husband has never been super smooth with the ladies, but he was a goddamned Lothario on the computer. Which is why the idea of iphones freaked me out so much.
But we have a baby coming. And he should be here in 1-3 weeks. And we have these crappy old phones that don't work so well. And my parents, who live 3000 miles from us, would like to see the baby as much as possible. They pleaded with us to get iphones. And to be fair, husband wanted one too. It was kind of awful because we plunked down so much money to buy them. I was up till 4am almost having a panic attack because of not just the initial investment but the crazy monthly fee. And now that I'm a lady of leisure, we only have one income until baby is 4 months old and I go back to work part time. And his income is crap. I'm kind of the breadwinner. But like Kenny Loggins says:
Even though we ain't got money, I'm so in love with ya honey, and everything will bring a chain of love. And in the morning when I rise, you bring a tear of joy to my eyes, And tell me everything is gonna be alright. Which I heard on the radio this morning on my way to my OBGYN and it made me cry hysterically for like 2 hours.
So, because of Husband's problems with the Internet, we have an open phone policy. We're allowed to stalk each others' phones. I miss the days when I didn't doubt him and trusted him 100%.
I wonder if we'll ever be back there.
Hi Honey,
ReplyDeleteThere's a book about restoring trust in relationships coming out in February. (information below) Hope you're feeling well. I know that the last few weeks are uncomfortable. My boys were 11 and 12 days "late", respectively.
Here's the book info:
I Love You, but I Don’t Trust You: The Complete Guide to Restoring Trust in Your Relationship by Mira Kirshenbaum, which the Berkley Publishing Group will be publishing in February 2012.
In I Love You, but I Don’t Trust You, Mira Kirshenbaum explores how trust works in a relationship: how it is formed, the risk factors that lead to mistrust in relationships and how trust is broken. Most importantly, she shows readers how to restore trust—whether it’s been broken by betrayal, past experiences, a lack of openness or reliability, or miscommunication.
(I was going to add some other info, but can't, because of search engines and its too personal--ah the "interwebs"... the heights of good and the depths of bad) xo ~ L
I shared the same fears you do when we got our iPhones but for us, okay for me, it actually turned out to be more beneficial. We also have something similar to an open phone policy. I can check his phone anytime, plus I'm charge of the bill (always have been, just never bothered to check it, duh).
ReplyDeleteWith the iPhone, I can track him if I'm feeling a trigger coming on; which thankfully doesn't happen very often or even better - when I miss him, we can use FaceTime - a way cool feature! I'm sure this will be very handy for you two when the baby comes and you want to share special moments.
As a side note, you can also limit access to certain sites through your phone company. I don't have that because it costs extra but I know it's available.
Best of luck!
L
thank you. yes, it seems that I'm not alone on this one.
ReplyDelete