Saturday, October 1, 2011

I dream that my husband is cheating on me

All the time lately as I sit in the final weeks of my pregnancy. In all the dreams, I end by beating my husband (with a lightbulb in the groin) and I wake up crying at 4am.  He wakes up with me and assures me over and over that he would never ever cheat on me. That he loves me. I tell him that he said that the whole time he was acting out and I'd have these dreams (I used to dream he was cheating on me before I knew about his SA). He says that it's different now, because he has a program, he has a sponsor, he has support. I tell him I don't believe him. That he lied to me before and he can lie to me again. He tells me he knows and holds me and tells me that he loves me and that he's sorry, and he doesn't know how to make this better for me. I don't either.
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2 comments:

  1. NoneOctober 2, 2011 at 6:13 AM

    I have no magical words of comfort, I just wanted to let you know that I understand and that you were heard. It's hard to believe them no matter how good their recovery program is - it's human nature. Add the harmones coursing through your body and I'm sure it's much more difficult. I'm so glad he was understanding and comforting and there for you when you needed him.

    Hugs,
    L

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  2. SydOctober 10, 2011 at 5:49 AM

    It's hard to learn to trust those who have broken promises and lied in the pat. I guess I still am guarded a bit with most people. I reserve total trust for my Higher Power.

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