Persisting Anger

I am anxious. And that's all there is to it. No, it's not so much anxious. I can't put my finger on it. I'm unsettled. I don't trust. I am afraid of my marriage going awry. Of my husband deciding to stop trying. I'm afraid that he's going to decide to stray and to stray.
I'm simply traumatized by his years of secrets. And I need reassurance. Like how can I feel safe again? What happens when I start trusting, does that make me complacent? How does this marriage become homey and warm without being enmeshed with the two of us having secrets on the side?
I guess it's just about time and patience. I've not been to COSA meetings in a while nor have I been to my husband's SAA meetings with him.
A weird thing happened. I've been getting a lot of attention from men lately. More than usual for some reason. I don't know why. But we went to my husband's 20 year high school reunion and he kept having guys pull him aside and say things like, "your wife is super hot, how'd you score such a hot wife..." blah blah blah... and it caused him to really be all over me for the next few nights. It's odd though. Why did he need third parties to tell him that? Why did the fact that I was totally objectified turn him on? I hate it when dudes act like dudes. It's fucking ridiculous. Why was husband looking for women so much younger and so much hotter than me rather than appreciating me. It's like he can't even see me unless it's pointed out to him.
But this is all me looking backwards. In the now, things are good. And if they continue along this trajectory they will get better. Yet, my anger persists. I sit with it and I become so sick of it. I think that when I hooked up with some other guys it was to mitigate my anger. And it worked temporarily. But as soon as I feel close to husband again, I feel angry but also sad and confused.